Real, whether I like it or not:

Here Paul speaks and there is mystery to one who treads carefully in his study. This verse is found in a passage saying "you ought to pay a man who preaches, but I choose not to be paid just in case you would use it against me."

"For if I preach the gospel, I have nothing to boast of, for I am under compulsion; for woe is me if I do not preach the gospel. For if I do this voluntarily, I have a reward; but if against my will, I have a stewardship entrusted to me."
1 Corinthians 9:16-17

I have wondered if this verse has any relevance to whether or not a man is chosen, or chooses to be a chosen one. Perhaps both exist, and one is voluntary the other under compulsion.

Nevertheless, I find my feeling here, a deep feeling, profound and shocking, but to any who read this it must be a common and obvious thing. Often times the real true answers are what we have known since childhood, but I find in myself that what I have heard, I did not really hear.

The point here, tonight, is that the message of the Christ, and my faith; it is real whether I like it or not.

Many gather to the cross hoping for peace. They find it. Many gather hoping for meaning. They find it. Many gather hoping to escape judgment. They do escape. These are offered, so it is good to accept. Still though, what of the man who feels believing is burden? What of the man who sees toil all his days, what of the man who counts the cost; marching towards the death he fears bearing his cross. What about the man who cuts off limb and plucks out eye?

I have always found my joy in Christ. I have always found meaning, and I have always been pleased to be His. My life has been thirst and my faith has been drink. I suppose I am saying, that this doesn't really matter. Let me never feel joy again, still Christ has conquered death.

Could it all come to misery and terror? could it all come to desolation and sorrow? Will my faith earn me death in this world? I've lived my whole life guided by what I wanted, but it's ever clearer to me that this message of the Gospel is real... whether I want it to be or not.

Our Foolish Hero Here Begins:

"I have started to write my thoughts on the internet. I have no strong hope of any of them ever being read. My whole life I have been a self seeking artist, screaming 'look at me, look at me!' and being frustrated with the small attentions I got. Since then I've had a razor sharp Bible cut deeply into my neck and chest, and now in my bloodied weakness I understand that we are all caught up in ourselves, and I was the worst. I never spent even one minute looking into another persons creativity. I never asked one single question. I never showed interest in anyone else, because I wanted to be better then them. I wanted to be more likable, more famous, more admired.



The deeper question now is, who the hell was looking at my pathetic cries for attention? How did I get ANY response? Why would ANYBODY care? And so I remain now. I certainly deserve no renown after the long years of narcissistic, fake flattery filled hipster vanity.

My wife will probably read these things, and that is far more than I deserve. She is frustrating and amazing. She is feminine and strong. My love for her is like the feeling you get after falling down a flight of stairs and you just lay there, wondering what happened. It's like the feeling you get both when you see the twist at the end of the 6th sense, and when someone shouts 'Snape kills Dumbledore' while you are waiting in line to buy the book. We aspire to be Aquila and Priscilla, and hopefully someday we can get something like a hi-five from them, however that might work.

From here on in, all of this will probably be dedicated to the Master, and to the Book which stands on high at the top of humanity. The book that cannot be changed, and cannot be forgotten. The book which exists as thousands and thousands of copies, but untouchable unalterable originals. The Word of God which stands forever. Amen."